I have had several messages over the pass few days from many of you that make up this wonderful Aidpage family, regarding my cancer. I decided that I would make this post to update my condition as of today.
The cancer has now moved from the pancreas to the liver and has entered my blood stream. My body has became weaker, and the emotional aspect of the disease, at times, tries to take control. The pain is very hard to manage and I have to rely on medications to help me be able to attempt to do the daily things required to survive, which at one time were so easy. My bed has became my place of existence because it is a struggle and exhaust me to be up much any more.
The doctors have given me their estimated time limit that my body can endure the cancer, and at this point are not offering any type of treatment. I am taking some natural medications that are suppose to reduce the symptoms, and hopefully allow me more time. I have went from being a healthy young man that had a wonderful future in front of me, to a man that has now aged way beyond his years and now prepares for his death.My hopes and dreams are shattered, and I feel a loss for the things I will never achieve or experience. It is hard to remain positive in such a difficult situation.
I have decided I am left with two choices. One is that I remain bitter and allow my life to be consumed with self pity and sadness, and the other is that I accept each day as it is and make the best of the time I have remaining. I know for me I have to seek the joy in life now, smile when I can and hopefully cause another to smile. Tell those I love that they are loved. Hug those close to me and at times sneak a kiss on the cheek to remind them I care. Listen to a friend when they need to talk. Make time for God as He prepares me for my journey. Never let the sun go down with anger in my heart, and be thankful each day the sun rises. I also have to keep reminding myself that miracles do happen, and keep the faith that mine is coming.
One of the things that I have realized is that the thought of death is scary, but there are things about that is causing me to be a better person. Things that at one time were so trivial now are very important to me. My wants, needs, and desires have changed. It is sort of sad that it took cancer to wake me up to the real beauty in life. I have learned how to love and accept love in a way I never could before, and when it all comes down to it life is empty with out that love.
So my dear friends, don't feel sorry me I don't need that. Prayers are always welcomed and appreciated. None of us know when the Lord may call us home but we all have the ability to show love and kindness to others. you never know how a small act of kindness can warm a heart and give another person hope. There are so many people that come to this site hurting and in need. Let's continue extend are hands and heart to bring hope to others.
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